Yet another update

Well mom isn't doing so good the nurse came by today and said two weeks and that that was being optimistic. I am really sad tonight was a rough night for her. She didn't want to take her pain medicine and she didn't want to go to her room to go to bed. Cathee was having a hard time tonight also. I had to call her to have her come over and help me get mom to bed and she had a hard time also. We are confused and not sure what to do.

I hate watching my mom die everyday, I hate the fact that this is happening. I am only 34 that isn't near enough time with my mom. I am supposed to have her for many more years to come. She is supposed to be around to watch my kids grow up and now I am not going to have that and either are my kids. I know that this is probably sounding a bit selfish but I am not ready.

I have the best mom in the world I just wish that things were different and that she wasn't so sick and wish that she never ended up with a rare type of cancer. I wish my mom was healthier so her cancer could have been treated. Why is this happening to my mom? Why must this awful disease exist? I wish that i could take away all of her pain and make her better. I know that I can't do this and that the only person that can do this is God. I just hope that she isn't suffering to much.

I will have so many great things to tell the kids about their grandmother. They know that grandma is sick they just don't know that it is cancer that is taking her from us at this time. I am not sleeping worth a damn and I am always tired and stressed. Mom wakes up every morning confused as to where she is. I wake up every morning afraid to walk into her room.

I know that soon my mom will be joining all my grandparents and her sister up in heaven and that she will be healthy again and not in pain anymore. I love you mom and I am going to miss you.

Update

Well here is another update on mom. They aren't giving mom much time one Dr told us 2 weeks to a month a week or so ago and another Dr told us six months or less. I just wish I knew how long she had so I wouldn't worry all night and all day if it is going to happen. I will miss my mom very much but the cancer has spread to all of her bones and other areas so bad. The kids still don't know and have pretty much come to the conclusion that we aren't going to tell them until we have to. My kids are the type that worry about everything and this isn't something i want them to worry about the way that I do. We have started making the arrangements for her. It is hard to think that some day really soon I won't have my mom who has been my best friend for years. Cathee is starting to really have a hard time also. We both have been trying to keep ourselves busy to keep our minds off of it. Dad still isn't saying much. I am very worried about him since he won't talk to us about his feelings. I just want to say that when my mom does pass away that she goes without pain and goes peacfully. My grandparents and aunts and uncles are all waiting for my mom up in heaven to join them. I know that mom will be watching over all of us everyday. She always was and still is a great woman.

Sorry if some of this sounds morbid it isn't meant to be that way as I will deeply miss her.

I love you mommy.

Update

Ok sorry that I haven't updated in awhile but it has been crazy with work, school, kids, and life.

Well mom went to see the gynecologist a few weeks ago and we found out that the cancer she has is rare and it is called vulvar cancer. So we broke that news to her and she was heart broken and she has bad my sister and I promise to get our yearly check ups all the time. We agreed so I went in for min all is good. So the gynecologist referred mom to a gynecologist oncologist to see what they say. So we went there on March 17th 2011, when we were there the doctor wanted to get more information from other doctors that have seen her. So we got those requests sent out.

The next day she went in for what is called a Pet Scan. This is similar to a cat scan but they put dye in your system to highlight if the cancer has spread and if so to where. I get the call from the dr on March 23rd 2011 and the cancer has spread to many of places. We aren't sure where it started exactly. We haven't told this to mom, I know it sounds selfish but I think it is for her own good. We are afraid that this might be the last straw if we tell her. So Cathee, dad and I are going to go see the dr tomorrow on the 24th for moms appointment to ask any questions that we have. So we can see what we are looking and decide from there what we are going to tell her.

We still haven't told the kids as we think they need to know but at the same time think they don't need to know. There is no reason to get them upset right now.

I love my mom very much and dad is taking it hard but hiding it just as much. I worry about him as this isn't good for him.

New day

Mom didn't want to get up yesterday she was down and having a bad day. This is to be expected with all that she has been through in the past two weeks i believe. I know I would have days like that if it was me. Yesterday she went to go see another Dr to have testing done to see for sure where the cancer is just for piece of mind. Mom doesn't want to go to this appointment but really who does. The nurse came by yesterday and showed me the new lump that she found on mom.

Today mom also didn't want to get up as she slept a lot well most of the day. This had me worried. I went to work and then came home after not being there very long at all because I was worried about her.

Changes in our lives

I am going to write a blog about the way things have been changing for my family since I moved back to Colorado.

Things are good with a few bumps in the road. I got a job and Tom has been staying home with the kids which has been driving him completely crazy.

In January mom found a mass in in her lower left pelvic area and it was hurting her. I got her into the Dr right away she was then sent over to the ER for an ultrasound that turned into a cat scan. The ER Dr believed that it was just a skin infection called cellulites. She can home from the hospital a few days later and then it was hurting her again and even more so I called the Dr. She was then referred to a surgeon that did a biopsy and it turned out to be a mass in he lymph node. The biopsy results came back and dad and i talked to the Dr on Feb. 25, 2011. That is when my world changed. My mom has what is called clear cell carcinoma which is a type of cancer. At that time the Dr said he wasn't sure as to the location of the cancer. The Dr believes that it is located in her cervix or in her girly parts. Today which is March 2, 2011 myself, Cathee and dad went to the oncologist with mom to find out what kind of treatment was going to be recommended. We sat there and talked to the Dr for awhile to hear him say that mom would not be able to survive surgery to have a hysterectomy because of her health. He also said that due to her health that it would only hurt her more to do chemo or radiation.

All of this has bummed my family and friends out. I really wish that there was a way that no one would ever have to go through the ugly word of cancer. I just pray that I have lots of time left with my mom and that the cancer doesn't progress any more than it already has.

I will try and keep this updated on her progress as we ride this roller coaster of emotions.

I love my mom so much.