Yet another update

Well mom isn't doing so good the nurse came by today and said two weeks and that that was being optimistic. I am really sad tonight was a rough night for her. She didn't want to take her pain medicine and she didn't want to go to her room to go to bed. Cathee was having a hard time tonight also. I had to call her to have her come over and help me get mom to bed and she had a hard time also. We are confused and not sure what to do.

I hate watching my mom die everyday, I hate the fact that this is happening. I am only 34 that isn't near enough time with my mom. I am supposed to have her for many more years to come. She is supposed to be around to watch my kids grow up and now I am not going to have that and either are my kids. I know that this is probably sounding a bit selfish but I am not ready.

I have the best mom in the world I just wish that things were different and that she wasn't so sick and wish that she never ended up with a rare type of cancer. I wish my mom was healthier so her cancer could have been treated. Why is this happening to my mom? Why must this awful disease exist? I wish that i could take away all of her pain and make her better. I know that I can't do this and that the only person that can do this is God. I just hope that she isn't suffering to much.

I will have so many great things to tell the kids about their grandmother. They know that grandma is sick they just don't know that it is cancer that is taking her from us at this time. I am not sleeping worth a damn and I am always tired and stressed. Mom wakes up every morning confused as to where she is. I wake up every morning afraid to walk into her room.

I know that soon my mom will be joining all my grandparents and her sister up in heaven and that she will be healthy again and not in pain anymore. I love you mom and I am going to miss you.

Update

Well here is another update on mom. They aren't giving mom much time one Dr told us 2 weeks to a month a week or so ago and another Dr told us six months or less. I just wish I knew how long she had so I wouldn't worry all night and all day if it is going to happen. I will miss my mom very much but the cancer has spread to all of her bones and other areas so bad. The kids still don't know and have pretty much come to the conclusion that we aren't going to tell them until we have to. My kids are the type that worry about everything and this isn't something i want them to worry about the way that I do. We have started making the arrangements for her. It is hard to think that some day really soon I won't have my mom who has been my best friend for years. Cathee is starting to really have a hard time also. We both have been trying to keep ourselves busy to keep our minds off of it. Dad still isn't saying much. I am very worried about him since he won't talk to us about his feelings. I just want to say that when my mom does pass away that she goes without pain and goes peacfully. My grandparents and aunts and uncles are all waiting for my mom up in heaven to join them. I know that mom will be watching over all of us everyday. She always was and still is a great woman.

Sorry if some of this sounds morbid it isn't meant to be that way as I will deeply miss her.

I love you mommy.